许多学生在写英语作文时,最容易被扣分的地方不是单词拼写,而是句与句之间的逻辑关系不清晰。最常见的问题就是:全文靠”and”和”because”从头连到尾,读起来像流水账。

今天我们从《金融时报》一篇关于波音第一季度营收的报道中,学习4个让作文逻辑瞬间进阶的逻辑衔接技巧。

原文精选

先看原文段落:

Boeing reported lower first-quarter revenue than a year ago, when it was in the midst of the 737 Max crisis, hurt by delays in 787 deliveries and a global pandemic that continues to depress airlines’ demand for planes.

Revenue fell 10 per cent to $15.2bn in the first quarter, and the company reported a net loss of $561m. Its loss shrank slightly from the $641m net loss it posted for the same period a year ago.

“While the global pandemic continues to challenge the overall market environment, we view 2021 as a key inflection point for our industry as vaccine distribution accelerates, and we work together across government and industry to help enable a robust recovery,” chief executive David Calhoun said.

The flow of cash out of the door has slowed. The company reported free cash outflow — operating cash minus capital expenditures — of $3.7bn for the quarter, compared with an outflow of $4.7bn a year ago.

Boeing resumed deliveries of its wide-body 787 planes last month after quality problems caused months of delays, which hurt first-quarter results. Boeing is dropping the production rate to five per month from six as demand for wide-bodies remains low.

While it was “marginally encouraging” that Boeing reported a net rise in orders in March for the second month in a row, the 29 aircraft deliveries last month were “lacklustre”, Cowen analyst Cai von Rumohr said in a note.

Many, though not all, airline executives have predicted a recovery in aviation fuelled by pent-up demand for air travel.

—— Boeing quarterly earnings report, FT

技巧一:while — “虽然……但是”的反击式论证

为什么好

中文学生在写让步(concession)时,绝大多数只会用 “but”。但”but”的问题是:它只是简单地否定前一句话,没有给读者”你已经被我反驳了”的感觉。

while 比”but”更高级的地方在于:它在同一句话里完成了”承认对方合理+坚持自己观点”两个动作。读者读到”While A, B”时,会立刻意识到A是背景,B才是核心观点。

学生写法 vs 升级写法对照

学生写法升级写法(while)
The pandemic is still a problem. But the company is optimistic.While the pandemic continues to challenge the market, the company sees 2021 as a key inflection point.
Some people say studying abroad costs too much. But it’s worth it.While studying abroad is indeed expensive, the long-term career benefits far outweigh the cost.

模板

While [承认反方事实], [坚持正方观点].

延伸练习

题目: 写关于”人工智能是否会导致失业”

学生版:Many people think AI will take away jobs. But AI also creates new jobs.

升级版:While AI may replace certain routine jobs, it also creates new roles in data analysis and machine learning that didn’t exist before.


技巧二:compared with — “事实对比”比”However, …”更客观

为什么好

学生写对比时,最常见的是 “However, …”“On the other hand, …”。这两个词没错,但它们的问题是:只表达了”我要说另一件事了”,但没有直接呈现数据的对比关系

compared with 直接把两个数据放在一起让读者自己感受差距——不需要形容词,数字本身就说明了问题。

学生写法 vs 升级写法对照

学生写法升级写法(compared with)
The number of students who chose science increased. However, the number of art students dropped.The number of science students rose to 500, compared with only 320 in the art department.
This year’s profit is $3.7bn. But last year it was $4.7bn.The company reported a free cash outflow of $3.7bn for the quarter, compared with $4.7bn a year ago.

模板

[结果/数据], compared with [参照数据].

延伸练习

题目: 比较两所学校的高考成绩

学生版:School A had many students go to good universities. But School B had fewer.

升级版:School A sent 85% of its graduates to Tier-1 universities, compared with only 62% from School B.


技巧三:as — 一个词解决”因为所以”的啰嗦

为什么好

中文学生写因果关系时,习惯用 “Because…so…”(甚至两个词一起用,这是大错)。而英文里,as 可以干净利落地表达”原因”,而且它比”because”更轻、更自然,特别适合用在原因不是主信息、只是补充交代的场景。

原文出现了两次 as:

  1. “as vaccine distribution accelerates” — 作为公司乐观的原因
  2. “as demand for wide-bodies remains low” — 作为减产的原因

学生写法 vs 升级写法对照

学生写法升级写法(as)
The company is optimistic. Because vaccines are making progress.The company sees 2021 as a key inflection point as vaccine distribution accelerates.
The school reduced its fees. Because many families couldn’t afford it.The school reduced its fees as many local families struggled with rising living costs.

模板

[主句], as [原因从句].

(注意:as引导的原因从句通常放在主句之后,这和because一致。as放在句首通常表示”当……时”的时间含义,需注意区分。)

延伸练习

题目: 讨论政府为什么要推广电动车

学生版:The government wants more people to buy electric cars because pollution is bad.

升级版:The government is accelerating electric vehicle adoption as air pollution levels in major cities exceed safe limits.


技巧四:after — 用时间关系替代”wasthen”的流水账

为什么好

学生写时间顺序时,喜欢用and连接两个句子:“There was a problem. And then the company did something.” 这种写法让文章像小学生日记。

after 可以把两个事件压缩到一句话里,让读者立刻明白先后关系和因果关系。

原文:Boeing resumed deliveries of its wide-body 787 planes last month after quality problems caused months of delays.

这句话用”after”把”质量问题→延迟→恢复交付”三个事件压缩成一个紧凑的句子。

学生写法 vs 升级写法对照

学生写法升级写法(after)
There were quality problems and delays happened. Then the company started delivering again.Boeing resumed deliveries after quality problems caused months of delays.
Many students worried about the exam. Then the school changed the rules.The school adjusted the grading system after many students expressed concerns about exam fairness.

模板

[后续事件/结果] after [先前事件/原因].

延伸练习

题目: 描述一所学校改变政策的原因

学生版:The school found that students were under too much pressure. Then they decided to reduce homework.

升级版:The school decided to reduce homework after a survey revealed that 65% of students reported high stress levels.


写作建议

逻辑衔接的核心不是背更多连接词,而是精确配对逻辑关系和连接词

  1. 让步反驳用 while(不是 but)
  2. 数据对比用 compared with(不是 however)
  3. 轻量因果用 as(不是 because…so…)
  4. 时间因果用 after(不是 and then)

每次写完作文,花1分钟检查:每个段落之间的连接词是否精准?有没有一个”and”或”but”从开头用到结尾?

先掌握这4个,写到形成肌肉记忆,再扩充你的衔接词库。


厦门灯塔 · 专业英语作文逐句批改 | 微信 linstudio799 专注中高考/雅思写作 · 逐句精批 + 逻辑重构 + 母语级升级