许多学生在写英语作文时,最容易被扣分的地方不是单词拼写,而是句与句之间的逻辑关系不清晰。最常见的问题就是:全文靠”and”和”because”从头连到尾,读起来像流水账。
今天我们从《金融时报》一篇关于波音第一季度营收的报道中,学习4个让作文逻辑瞬间进阶的逻辑衔接技巧。
原文精选
先看原文段落:
Boeing reported lower first-quarter revenue than a year ago, when it was in the midst of the 737 Max crisis, hurt by delays in 787 deliveries and a global pandemic that continues to depress airlines’ demand for planes.
Revenue fell 10 per cent to $15.2bn in the first quarter, and the company reported a net loss of $561m. Its loss shrank slightly from the $641m net loss it posted for the same period a year ago.
“While the global pandemic continues to challenge the overall market environment, we view 2021 as a key inflection point for our industry as vaccine distribution accelerates, and we work together across government and industry to help enable a robust recovery,” chief executive David Calhoun said.
The flow of cash out of the door has slowed. The company reported free cash outflow — operating cash minus capital expenditures — of $3.7bn for the quarter, compared with an outflow of $4.7bn a year ago.
Boeing resumed deliveries of its wide-body 787 planes last month after quality problems caused months of delays, which hurt first-quarter results. Boeing is dropping the production rate to five per month from six as demand for wide-bodies remains low.
While it was “marginally encouraging” that Boeing reported a net rise in orders in March for the second month in a row, the 29 aircraft deliveries last month were “lacklustre”, Cowen analyst Cai von Rumohr said in a note.
Many, though not all, airline executives have predicted a recovery in aviation fuelled by pent-up demand for air travel.
—— Boeing quarterly earnings report, FT
技巧一:while — “虽然……但是”的反击式论证
为什么好
中文学生在写让步(concession)时,绝大多数只会用 “but”。但”but”的问题是:它只是简单地否定前一句话,没有给读者”你已经被我反驳了”的感觉。
while 比”but”更高级的地方在于:它在同一句话里完成了”承认对方合理+坚持自己观点”两个动作。读者读到”While A, B”时,会立刻意识到A是背景,B才是核心观点。
学生写法 vs 升级写法对照
| 学生写法 | 升级写法(while) |
|---|---|
| The pandemic is still a problem. But the company is optimistic. | While the pandemic continues to challenge the market, the company sees 2021 as a key inflection point. |
| Some people say studying abroad costs too much. But it’s worth it. | While studying abroad is indeed expensive, the long-term career benefits far outweigh the cost. |
模板
While [承认反方事实], [坚持正方观点].
延伸练习
题目: 写关于”人工智能是否会导致失业”
学生版:Many people think AI will take away jobs. But AI also creates new jobs.
升级版:While AI may replace certain routine jobs, it also creates new roles in data analysis and machine learning that didn’t exist before.
技巧二:compared with — “事实对比”比”However, …”更客观
为什么好
学生写对比时,最常见的是 “However, …” 或 “On the other hand, …”。这两个词没错,但它们的问题是:只表达了”我要说另一件事了”,但没有直接呈现数据的对比关系。
compared with 直接把两个数据放在一起让读者自己感受差距——不需要形容词,数字本身就说明了问题。
学生写法 vs 升级写法对照
| 学生写法 | 升级写法(compared with) |
|---|---|
| The number of students who chose science increased. However, the number of art students dropped. | The number of science students rose to 500, compared with only 320 in the art department. |
| This year’s profit is $3.7bn. But last year it was $4.7bn. | The company reported a free cash outflow of $3.7bn for the quarter, compared with $4.7bn a year ago. |
模板
[结果/数据], compared with [参照数据].
延伸练习
题目: 比较两所学校的高考成绩
学生版:School A had many students go to good universities. But School B had fewer.
升级版:School A sent 85% of its graduates to Tier-1 universities, compared with only 62% from School B.
技巧三:as — 一个词解决”因为所以”的啰嗦
为什么好
中文学生写因果关系时,习惯用 “Because…so…”(甚至两个词一起用,这是大错)。而英文里,as 可以干净利落地表达”原因”,而且它比”because”更轻、更自然,特别适合用在原因不是主信息、只是补充交代的场景。
原文出现了两次 as:
- “as vaccine distribution accelerates” — 作为公司乐观的原因
- “as demand for wide-bodies remains low” — 作为减产的原因
学生写法 vs 升级写法对照
| 学生写法 | 升级写法(as) |
|---|---|
| The company is optimistic. Because vaccines are making progress. | The company sees 2021 as a key inflection point as vaccine distribution accelerates. |
| The school reduced its fees. Because many families couldn’t afford it. | The school reduced its fees as many local families struggled with rising living costs. |
模板
[主句], as [原因从句].
(注意:as引导的原因从句通常放在主句之后,这和because一致。as放在句首通常表示”当……时”的时间含义,需注意区分。)
延伸练习
题目: 讨论政府为什么要推广电动车
学生版:The government wants more people to buy electric cars because pollution is bad.
升级版:The government is accelerating electric vehicle adoption as air pollution levels in major cities exceed safe limits.
技巧四:after — 用时间关系替代”wasthen”的流水账
为什么好
学生写时间顺序时,喜欢用and连接两个句子:“There was a problem. And then the company did something.” 这种写法让文章像小学生日记。
after 可以把两个事件压缩到一句话里,让读者立刻明白先后关系和因果关系。
原文:Boeing resumed deliveries of its wide-body 787 planes last month after quality problems caused months of delays.
这句话用”after”把”质量问题→延迟→恢复交付”三个事件压缩成一个紧凑的句子。
学生写法 vs 升级写法对照
| 学生写法 | 升级写法(after) |
|---|---|
| There were quality problems and delays happened. Then the company started delivering again. | Boeing resumed deliveries after quality problems caused months of delays. |
| Many students worried about the exam. Then the school changed the rules. | The school adjusted the grading system after many students expressed concerns about exam fairness. |
模板
[后续事件/结果] after [先前事件/原因].
延伸练习
题目: 描述一所学校改变政策的原因
学生版:The school found that students were under too much pressure. Then they decided to reduce homework.
升级版:The school decided to reduce homework after a survey revealed that 65% of students reported high stress levels.
写作建议
逻辑衔接的核心不是背更多连接词,而是精确配对逻辑关系和连接词:
- 让步反驳用 while(不是 but)
- 数据对比用 compared with(不是 however)
- 轻量因果用 as(不是 because…so…)
- 时间因果用 after(不是 and then)
每次写完作文,花1分钟检查:每个段落之间的连接词是否精准?有没有一个”and”或”but”从开头用到结尾?
先掌握这4个,写到形成肌肉记忆,再扩充你的衔接词库。
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